Christmas Lights, Darts, and Pranks Oh My
by batman100
Summary: There are some who prefer to kick back and relax during the holidays and wind down from all the wild energy. And of course, there's the X-Men, who have a very, VERY different meaning to the phrase 'tis the season to be jolly' or yet 'tis the season to be CRAZY'


**The disclaimer saying I do not own X-Men: Evolution has been electrocuted by malfunctioning Christmas lights. It should take at least a few minutes to get it up and running… I think. Until then, here's the story**

**Christmas Lights, Darts and Pranks, Oh My!**

"Bah humbug." Bobby muttered, looking at the neighbors' Christmas tree in disgust. Madame Hydra, who was in the middle of feeding their daughter Hope, slapped him up the head.

"Darling, mind your manners. You don't want our little ladies turning into **you**, right?" Madame Hydra hissed as she continued cooing at her newborn daughter. Bobby simply grunted and sauntered off.

"Gee, what's up with Icecube? He's been all moody ever since that trip to Cancun." Logan noticed, getting himself a beer out of the fridge

"Well, you know how he is… when his older brother writes him a letter." Jean muttered, handing Madame Hydra an envelope. She glanced at it and gasped at the appalling message that was written on it. "My goodness! How's Robert consoling himself?"

"Uh… I'm not so sure you wanna know, it's pretty UURRK!" Jean choked as Madame Hydra grasped her throat

"Tell… Me… NOW." Hydra snarled, dropping Jean, letting her catch her breath before pointing toward the window "And just what is **that** supposed to mean? I don't take excuses that easily." Hydra hissed

"Um… Madame, might I suggest toning down the language in front of…" Scott piped up, pointing to Hope, who was now sleeping in Hydra's arms. She suddenly calmed down and kissed her sweetly slumbering baby girl. "Excuse me, I'll be back after I put my little lady to bed." Madame Hydra cooed sweetly, carrying Hope up the steps, the others watching her in amazement.

"… Gee, now **there's** a lady who can bounce back and forth from mood swings." Logan snickered, until stopping himself at the murderous glare Jean gave him

"Logan, have you no sense of decency for women? They are meant to be treated with respect, honor, dignity, mature behavior, and are NOT meant to be a common hoodlum's object for amorous sexual pleasures!" Jean ranted, before grabbing Logan's beer and hurling it out the window.

CRASH!

"HEY! WHO THREW THAT BEER AT MY DATE?!" Tabitha's ear-piercing scream echoed, rumbling through the mansion

"You just **had** to go and do that, didn't you?" Logan sarcastically sneered before a deafening crash occurred

BAM! SMASH! KER-THUNK!

"What in God's name is going on here?!" Ghost Rider snarled angrily, the clatter arousing him from his early meditation session, before his eyes turned brightly orange when he caught a glimpse of Logan sneaking away

"Johnny…" Jean warned, referring to the large cat o' nine tails on the mantle that Jean used as a disciplinary tool if Ghost Rider started being rambunctious. Instantly, the brimstone biker obeyed and instantly hung up his chain whip

"That's better." Scott replied in relief, as Lance and Kitty helped carry in a dazed and nearly incoherent Bobby into the house

"Oh my! Bobby, what happened?" Madame Hydra gasped, trying to maintain her husband

"Well, in a nutshell, ol' Mr. Ice Blue here decided to trim the Christmas lights on the roof." Lance explained

"Come again?" Ghost Rider suspiciously asked. Jean rolled her eyes and spoke, "Lance, you don't **trim** lights, you place them, you wire them up and then you watch them sparkle. Now try to say what happened again, and **please** be more specific in details of the event of occurrence on which has previously happened, and so on and et cetera."

"…Did you swallow a dictionary or something?" Bobby asked. In utter outrage, Jean grabbed her frying pan and smacked him in the face with it

CLANG!

"Ouch! What's the big idea?" Bobby winced, rubbing his sore cheek. "*Next* time, think before you say something insulting." Jean hissed

"Or something sexual." Ghost Rider muttered behind Jean's back. "… I **heard** that, flamehead." Jean grunted, before planting a large smooch on Ghost Rider's mouth

SSSSMMMMAAAACCK!

"Yowza! Now **that's** a kiss! Why cant more ladies do that more often?" Bobby asked unsurprisingly.

"Whose turn is it?" Logan groaned. "Mine." Ghost Rider hissed, grabbing a humungous loaf of garlic mozzarella bread and immediately shoving it into Bobby's mouth

"Mmmrfffhprg! MMMMMRRRGG!" Bobby grunted in gibberish, the large loaf preventing him from speaking normally.

"*Thank* you. I couldn't take any more of his yapping." Logan uttered sarcastically, as a snickering Scott placed a 'Kick Me' sign on the back of his shirt.

"Aw, it ain't nothing, pal." GR shrugged, before booting Logan in the back that sent him careening into Warren who was passing by before colliding with Logan

"Oh goddamn it…" Warren groaned, bracing himself for impact.

CRASH! SMASH!

"You ok there Warren?" Scott asked as Angel gave Jean a vicious look. "I saw you putting that sign on his back, Grey."

"Uh… heh heh…" Jean nervously chuckled, incurring the wrath of Ghost Rider, who instead removed his coat and unbuttoned his pants.

"What are you… Oh no…" Jean whimpered as the brimstone biker grinned deviously

"Ohhhhh yes, Jeanie. Let's get it on." GR hissed, both him and Jean making out on the couch, Jean's eyes fluttering

"Uh… what's bone boy doing to Red?" Victor asked nervously as Ghost Rider started smothering Jean to sleep with his butt.

"Yeah, you feel the heat now, Red?" Ghost Rider boasted, as Jean moaned, her eyes drooping shut as she slowly began to snore.

"Nothing, Vic. It's probably OH MY GOD!" Scott whooped delightedly as Ghost Rider, now shirtless and half-naked, started humping Jean, her eyes closed, sucking her thumb in her sleep.

"Oh god, that is so disgusting! That is NOT what doing it should look like!" Lance grimaced

"Hell yes it should! Look at ol GR go! Yeah! Hump her real good!" Scott cackled maniacally as Jean suddenly started having an orgasm while sleeping.

"… You know Scott, you really should see somebody. Have you seen a psychiatrist? Scott? Scott, are you listening to me?" Victor asked in hesitation, only to groan and slap his forehead as he watched a bare-naked Scott humping a giggling Emma Frost.

"Ooh, Scotty, this is more like it!" Emma purred, as Scott started kissing her breasts. "Guess I'll take that as a no, then." Victor deadpanned, before turning around to see Logan creeping up toward Jean as he inched for her bra.

"Oh hell no!" Madame Hydra snarled, stomping over, her shovel raised, and clobbered Logan on the head with it.

CLONG!

"… Thanks Nancy, I will have the frittata…" Logan babbled before collapsing, his claws piercing Lance's shoe

"YOOOOWWWWWW!" Lance howled in pain, grasping his foot in pain. All of a sudden, Jean's eyes went bright red and she instantly clamped a large rim of telepathic duct tape to his mouth.

"That's better. Now let me have my nap. Mm, nighty night." Jean yawned, going back to sleep, as Ghost Rider swept off the mess from earlier on the carpet.

"GR, do be a dear and call the caterer? I was wondering if you could order our daily fried chicken special." Madame Hydra called, as she scooped up Jean and carried her up the steps

"Righto, Madame." GR replied, putting up the dust broom before hearing Pyro snicker. "And what are **you** laughing about?"

"Aw, nothing mate. Just saying that's a lovely French maid dress you have on there." Pyro grinned

"WHAT? THAT DOES IT FIREBUG! YOU ARE DEAD MEAT" Ghost Rider roared, brandishing his brimstone shotgun and fired a round through the west hall. Pyro's eyes bulged as the pyromaniac sped off, the biker in hot pursuit

"GET BACK HERE YOU MANIAC! IF I CATCH YOU, I'M GONNA USE YOUR HEAD AS MY NEW MOTORCYCLE PEDESTAL!" Ghost Rider snarled, fire blowing from his head rapidly, blasting away with his shotgun, the shooting awakening Jean.

"uughh… What is that crazed skeleton doing this time? And just when my nap was getting started…" Jean yawned, opening the door before hollering "JOHNNY BLAZE! IF YOU BLAST MY FURNITURE WITH THAT SHOTGUN, YOU'RE DEAD! DEAD, YOU HEAR ME? D-E-A-D! DEAD!"

At that instant, Pyro immediately stuck his foot out, causing GR to stumble and collide with Rogue.

SLAM!

"Geez Louise, Blaze! Watch where the hell you're going!" Rogue grumbled, dusting her jacket off before exiting. Ghost Rider then suddenly had a thought of payback as he found his 1,000 Ways of April Fools Pranks booklet.

Later that evening…

It was a quarter to eleven at the mansion. Jean was tucked into bed, soundly asleep, as Ghost Rider watched her as she slept. Despite the earlier incidents, Jean immediately forgave him before going to bed. Jean snored and dreamed sweetly as the biker gave her a kiss as she rolled over to the other part of her bed.

Stealthy as possible, Ghost Rider slithered silently into Forge's lab, where he found the resident inventor tinkering on his laptop.

"Psst, Forge." Ghost Rider whispered. Forge looked around and saw his visitor. "Oh hey GR. What can I do for you?"

"Listen, I've got a few ideas to get back at Pyro for all those pranks he pulled yesterday. You think you can come up with some blueprints for these?" GR asked, handing Forge the pages containing the joke novelties GR selected. "Hmmm… Yes, yes, these may work. Who else did you select for these?" Forge asked

"Warren, Scott, Jean, Tabitha, Lorna, Alex, Kurt, John and Victor all pitched in. Remy refused, since he's usually the solo prankster king. Toad and Blob stayed out of it, and the New Mutants are a little too trigger-happy with the stink bombs." GR explained

"Hmm, I see your point. Well, let me see what I can do. I'll have 'em all set up for use in the morning first thing." Forge replied, Ghost Rider giving him thumbs up.

"Alright. This is gonna be fun…" GR snickered

The next morning…

"Ok guys, you all set for the plan?" GR asked, as him, Warren, Jean, Kurt and Scott were standing by the east balcony, their booby-traps and prank warfare items all set for Pyro and the New Mutants.

"Oh yeah, boss. This is gonna be great!" Kurt cheered. "Just don't let him see you, or the whole jig is up. Now quiet, here they come." GR whispered, the gang sneaking off as Pyro and Amara snuck in, heads looking around for cover

"See anything unusual?" Pyro asked. "Nothing. Hey, look. There's a lever." Amara noticed, pulling it, only to activate a large roster of rapid fire tranquilizer dart machine guns.

RATATATARATARATARATATARATARATA

Pyro and Amara duck for cover as scores of darts pierced the wallboards and various parts of the mansion, as GR and the others snickered silently, unaware that a sleep dart just struck Jean.

"Hehehehe, this is awesome! Ghost Rider, you're a genius!" Warren giggled, GR ruffling his blond hair

"Yep. Pulling pranks sure is a hell lot of entertainment, eh Jean? Jean?" Ghost Rider asked, only to slap his forehead "Oh no…"

"What?" Scott asked before realizing "Oh shit." Jean was sound asleep, a tranquilizer dart stuck in her lower back. Her red hair dangled

"Quick, do something for God's sakes!" Scott hissed, looking to Kurt for ideas. "Ja, mein herr." Kurt obeyed, gently removing the dart from Jean's body. Jean groaned, then continued snoring before rubbing her eyes and yawning. "Is it morning?" Jean sleepily asked

"No, it's dusk." Ghost Rider deadpanned before cracking a smile "Just kidding."

"Yeah, you're a real comedian." Jean commented, before an ecstatic Warren hurried in. "What is it Angel?" Ghost Rider asked, before his bony jaw dropped in shock. **All** the X-Men, New Mutants and regular students were sprawled all around the mansion, thousands of tranquilizer darts embedded in them. All that is… except for one certain grumpy adamantium-clawed mutant.

"Uh… hey Logan. Heh heh… um, oops." Ghost Rider winced nervously as Logan glared at him furiously.

"Yeah, youre real smooth. Your idiot scientist Forge accidentally set the dart guns to nonstop fire mode, causing everyone to get tagged except you, your band of clowns here, and me. What do you have to say for yourself?" Logan asked impatiently as Jean's eyes fluttered again, a childish smile forming on her face

"Oh goddamn it, not again!" Ghost Rider exclaimed, slapping his forehead before grasping a drowsy Jean by the shoulder and shook her like crazy "Come on, come on! Don't pass out on me! Don't do it!"

"I know… I'm so tired…" Jean mumbled, her voice going between yawns and mid-snoring before she smiled and closed her eyes, collapsing on top of Warren… and something **else**

"OOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Warren wailed in a high-pitched girly voice, Logan snickering in amusement.

"Warren! What the hell are you doing? Get Jean off of you, for crying out loud!" Rogue snarled, before doing an about face

"Uh… I'd love to, but um… she's on my balls." Warren sheepishly groaned. "What?" Rogue asked

"Um, actually if you look at it clearly, it means…" Ghost Rider explained before whispering the rest into Rogue's ear. She absorbed this for a few minutes then all of a sudden burst out laughing hysterically, guffawing loudly as Warren rolled his eyes in disgust

"Yeah yeah, laugh it up. Don't come crying to me if a dart pokes **you** in the ass." Warren snapped. Suddenly, Forge appeared and shot a dart in Rogue's back. At once, she then collapsed on the carpet with a 'plunk' and began to snore.

"Ha! Now THAT's funny! Hahahahahahaha!" Warren jeered in amusement, laughing wildly as Scott shot a maniacal grin at the camera

"Now who says laughter is contagious?" Scott grinned


End file.
